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Published On: Fri, Jul 3rd, 2015

Am I a fool for loving my wife?

True Confession



I never knew to what extent I could love until I met Nosa. She is the perfect definition of black is beautiful. Reserved and always willing to help and going the extra mile for others, she is my perfect idea of the Proverbs 31 woman. She is very hardworking and of course ,doing very well in her career.

We dated for fifteen months. I was convinced that she is my wife and I was willing to spend the rest of my life with her. We got married August 2014 in a quite elaborate wedding which she had always wished for. I am not the type who likes parties or loud weddings but I was willing to shift my ground since it will make her happy.

Two months after our wedding, there was a reshuffling in my wife’s office, and she had to relocate to another state. She tried all her best to make sure she was retained in the Lagos office which was the Headquarter. I knew about all her efforts, but eventually it didn’t come through. I supported and encouraged her since she had put in so much efforts and the relocation came with a new role, a promotion and of course, a more attractive salary package. Nosa had put in so much effort into getting to that position, she had sacrificed a lot in the office, and I felt her promotion was a reward for her diligence. She was excited about her new role, and as a good husband, I had to support her.

Few weeks after her relocation, we started having issues. There were series of arguments over issues that we wouldn’t have argued on before. I didn’t read so much into it, until it became worse but I felt it was because we really didn’t get to live together for long after our marriage. Probably if we had, we would have taken time to understand each other the more. The issues got worse and I started getting frustrated. I love my wife so much and wouldn’t want anything come between us.

One weekend, I went to visit her and she made a shocking revelation. She confessed to me that she really wasn’t in love with me. She said people get married for different reasons and that she got married to me because, I “treated her right.” I almost couldn’t believe my ears. So, the woman I loved and had protected with my very last breath didn’t love me? She said she was hoping to start loving me after we got married. I tried to hold back my tears. That night I just looked at the ceiling, it was unbelievable. She tried to reassure me that it was a phase and that she hopes years into our marriage she would ‘totally fall in love with me.’ She promised to make things work and that we would begin to relate and stop having issues.

The weekend definitely did not go well. But I tried to put up with it all. On that Sunday, I packed my luggage and headed for the airport as office resumed the next day. On Monday, at work I tried to get the weekend experience off my head. I didn’t bother talking it over with Nosa. I wanted the issue buried. That week passed, I had let the issue die down and things went back to normal. The surprising thing was that most of the arguments we used to have died down.

Some months ago, we were having a discussion about spouses who cheat on each other. My wife told me her view, and she said she almost cheated but didn’t. I didn’t totally believe what she said so I spoke to a mutual friend of ours, who was working in the same branch and she told me she was cheating and was so into the guy. I got all the details of the guy and their affair. When I confronted Nosa, she couldn’t deny it. She told me it was true.

She cried, begged and even told her elder sister to beg me. The sister flew down to Lagos to have a discussion with me and she practically went on her feet. To my surprise, Nosa told her mother too who also came down to Lagos with her. She cried, promised and swore that she would not cheat on me again, and that she will give her all to our marriage. She spent the weekend in Lagos, and I could see she was deeply and genuinely sorry.

I braced myself up and made up my mind to forgive my wife. We had signed and pledged that it is for better, for worse. I had assured her that nothing will come in between us and that there is no marriage that doesn’t experience stumbling blocks but that it is left to the couple to always make sure they conquer.

Really, my wife’s action came as a big blow. She has changed for the better since the incidence and even said that she didn’t mind giving up the job to save our marriage. I confided in my best friend who said I have been the one giving so much into the marriage but I should forget and let the issue go and sleep since I have chosen to forgive my wife.

As much as I want to, I remember almost every second, I have forgiven her, but it seems I cannot forget, it keeps troubling my mind. I keep thinking I am a fool for loving my wife to this extent.

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